Today I find myself in a state of incessant reflection on my
life; past, present and future. Like an
RPM needle bouncing from one side to the other as one revs the engine of their
car, my mind jumps from one lifestyle to the next weighing the results I have
accomplished while living each. I find
myself longing for one thing in particular and I cannot help but ponder how I
can obtain it. I feel lost…helpless in a
station of loneliness. The emptiness I
feel inside far surpasses that of hunger or knowledge…it’s not a want for sustenance
or intellect…it is a desire for love.
The need of a soft touch, the presence of a warm body at my side, the
rapture of a passionate kiss. How I
yearn for these moments once again; to take hold of a moment and make it feel
like an eternity. I had hoped I found
what I had searched for, but am defeated by distance and means. A dream seeming to shatter before my eyes and
I am taunted by the broken pieces at my feet.
I wish to fix it…to make it whole again, but am again bested at every
turn. I wish for an opportunity, I
pray for a miracle, I work towards a plan, but feel I am no closer to obtaining
my goal. Do I give up? Do I concede and offer up my sword in
surrender? These are the questions that
constantly attack my mind and cripple my consciousness. I love today; perhaps more
than I have ever loved, but am mocked by an army of foes no physical weapon can harm. The battle goes on…the war waits
on the horizon. How long can I last? Will opportunity knock? Will my prayers be answered? Only time will tell.
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