Sanctuary

Thoughts are relentless.  The struggle between good and evil never-ending.  Every situation is assaulted by a barrage of possibilities, a myriad of solutions.  But which are right...which are wrong?  What are the consequences and potential benefits of each?  It amazes me each time I wake up and find that my mind continues the endless crusade to offer up any and all possible answers to the incalculable quandaries laid before me every day.  I grow tired of this war; I yearn for a refuge where, uninterrupted, I can retreat from my thoughts and remain unburdened for a spell.  But there is a place, I’ve been there before; it seems like forever ago, but I’ve stood in that room…I’ve felt the fabric of the furniture with my fingertips.  Dormant from my life for so long, a familiar voice calls to me and it calls me by name.  It’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time, it’s a name that only the disembodied voice and I would know.  I’m closer now, closer than I ever was before, but it’s still out of reach.  My outstretched arm can’t quite get me within range of this haven…my destination.  It’s close, very close and I get closer to seizing it with every new day.  I will attain it, I won’t stop until I do…I’ve come too far.  I will walk into the room, I will feel the fabric on my fingertips, I will close my eyes and there will be peace…serenity.  I will have arrived at my objective and there waiting for me, untold treasures that I have denied myself for so long…so very long.

Vacancy

I slowly slide the key around the ring, waiting for it to break free of its circular prison.  I can’t help but think of a children’s puzzle that’s extremely easy to complete in an effort to boost a little tike’s sense of accomplishment.  After seconds, the key falls loosely into my hand—my heart drops slightly in my chest.  I drop the keys remaining on the ring into my pocket and instantly notice how much lighter they feel without the heavy key gripped tightly in my hand.  I take a deep breath and let out a sigh as I reach forward and lay the key on the counter.  As I walk towards the door, I notice that I can’t feel my feet touching the ground as I step; I feel weightless, as though I am floating towards the door rather than walking.  The hardware on the door is warm and inviting as I wrap my hand around it and twist the knob.  I don’t want to leave, but before I can react, I’m already outside.  I can hear the faint “swoosh” of the door as it slowly closes behind me.  With my back to the entrance my mind strays, I think about what I have left behind, I think about all the wonderful times I had in that place and I think about what could have been if I would have done something differently.  I can’t stop the door from closing, I dare not try, because I know that there’s no going back.  When that door closes, I will never be able to step across that threshold again—my heart sinks a little more.  The door finally comes to a rest with a “click”.  I turn around and observe that it’s already been welded shut.  I hang my head for a moment, silently saying my goodbyes to that happy time in my life.  As I turn away from the door, my eyes fall upon another door a little farther down the crimson hallway.  I know I haven’t been there yet—and I don’t know when I will be able to muster up the energy or the courage to see where it leads.  It’s too soon…and I have yet to find a key that could potentially turn the bolt and reveal the mystery held within.   I know that I will see what's behind that door someday, it’s inevitable…but not now…not for awhile.

And we walked...

As soon as I pushed open the door, I could feel the cold air, thick with moisture, wrap around me as if to give me a welcoming hug.  I zipped up my jacket, stuffed my hands into my pockets and started off on my canter.  I looked up at the cloudy sky and took a deep breath; it was a beautiful day.  As I walked, I felt little ice water kisses on my face--the weather hadn't yet decided if it was going to rain or snow, so it picked something in the middle.  It seemed a little more confident on how it would fall--it had chosen slow and soft.  The fall colors on the trees under the canopy of gray clouds was the most beautiful thing I had seen all year...well, almost.  I don't know what it was that made this otherwise gloomy day stand out as one of the most beautiful days of the year, but I was stricken by it.  Quickly, my mind transitioned to an image of me going home and gathering up my sweetheart, making sure she was bundled up and showing her firsthand what an amazing day it was.  This, of course, was a ridiculous thought, due to the fact that I don't have a sweetheart waiting at home for me.  But that didn't stop my imagination from continuing on with the fantasy.  I could see myself walking down a sidewalk with my beautiful companion hanging on my arm, occasionally leaning her head on my shoulder.  When a little gust would pick up, she would flinch from it and retreat closer to me, tightening her grip on my arm.  We continued down the path, talking and laughing, catching each other's gaze every once in awhile and feeling that electricity shoot through our bodies.  As quickly as it started, the vision began to fade--I reached for the door and pulled it open.  The warmth of the office wrapped its heating arms around me, welcoming me back...I liked the first hug better.